Its been an interesting couple of weeks...just trying to take care of myself and do what's best for me. It's times like this that I am so eternally grateful for the wonderful, loyal, loving, understanding friends that I have been blessed with. They have kept me going when all I wanted to do was curl up in the fetal position and sob relentlessly. I am sure that everyone has noticed that yes, there is already someone new in my life. His name is Jeff, and he's (evidently) been crazy about me for months and months now.... and during this most difficult time for me, he has been a shoulder to cry on, a confidante, and a best friend....in my eyes, he is nothing short of a blessing from God Himself.

Anyway, my birthday was a hit! What a wild night- Grant as Jason Voorhies....Lloyd and Regann as Bonnie and Clyde (which they did extremely well), AJ as the Incredible Hulk....Scot as "the world's first Black Super Mario", and, God love him, Kent was a Chippendale!!! Pix to come for sure!\


Anyway, things are going better than ever at BWW's. I am starting to build up a healthy list of regulars who come in specifically to see me and sit in my section, which, not to sound all ass-kissy, is a good feeling. When a table full of people who you recognize as they sit at your table because they are in there at least twice a week stop you before they leave to tell you that you are, without a doubt, the best server that they have ever had in that restaurant, it makes you feel like a million bucks.....

OK, I am rambling. That's all for now kiddies. Hope everyone is doing well and is happy and healthy..

God Bless------

I'm sure everyone knows now that Josh and I are no longer together. Unfortunately, for me it didn't sink in until I walked in the apartment today and found that he had begun separating our things. I don't know what I am going to do. I suppose I'll continue rebounding and wandering aimlessly without my partner.

SIA - I Go To Sleep


When I look up from my pillow I dream you are there with me
Though you are far away I know you'll always be near to me

I go to sleep and imagine that you're there with me
I go to sleep and imagine that you're there with me

I look around me and feel you are ever so close to me
Each tear that flows from my eye brings back memories of you to me

I go to sleep and imagine that you're there with me
I go to sleep and imagine that you're there with me

I was wrong
I will cry
I will love you 'til the day I die
You alone
You alone and no one else
You were meant for me

When morning comes again I have the loneliness you left me
Each day drags by until finally night time descends on me

I go to sleep and imagine that you're there with me
I go to sleep and imagine that you're there with me





COLDPLAY- Warning Sign


A warning sign
I missed the good part and I realized
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses

Come on in, I’ve got to tell you what a state I’m in
I’ve got to tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so

A warning sign
You came back to haunt me and I realized
That you were an island and I passed you by
When you were an island to discover

Come on in, I’ve got to tell you what a state I’m in
I’ve got to tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so
And I’m tired
I should not have let you go

So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms



I was wrong
I will cry
I will love you 'til the day I die
You alone
You alone and no one else
You were meant for me

When morning comes again I have the loneliness you left me
Each day drags by until finally night time descends on me

I go to sleep and imagine that you're there with me
I go to sleep and imagine that you're there with me

Our internet died a while back, and I have been missing my link to the rest of the world like crazy as of late. Randomly tonight I have a signal at the apartment, and I am not letting it go to waste- basically I am cracking out like a junkie getting a much-needed fix.

So, two months have passed since I last posted. I am still working at Buffalo Wild Wings, and I can't complain- the money is good, and its one of those jobs that allows for as much social interaction as I want. Unfortunately, there is one co worker who seems hell bent on making me feel like shit and insists on treating me like I am. His name is Grant, and (perhaps not so) ironically he was one of my favorite people there from the beginning. He likes to push people's buttons, as do I, and as I suspected, if he and I ended up on opposite sides of an argument, it would be a hellacious mess. Well, I was right about the messy part, though I am not really sure where his newfound hatred of me is coming from. Especially considering how fond he kept telling me he was of me. Drama. Gotta love it, right?



Anyway, November 15 is the wedding date, and I am hoping and praying that finances will allow for this to happen. However, Josh and I discussed it at length, and no matter what our money looks like, come November 15, we will be married, and that makes me quite possibly the happiest woman on God's green earth. No matter what, as of November 15, 2009, my name will be Mrs. Jenna Beech. I absolutely LOVE it. I smile like a fucktard every time I say my new name out loud. *sigh*


At the moment, Josh is in Washington, D.C. for a work trip- he's shucking oysters for congressmen, senators, and whatnot. Very, very cool.

Not much else going on, really. Just working, living, and looking forward to being a married woman.

Till next time, I love you guys-

So, I had orientation at Buffalo Wild Wings on Saturday and I start training Thursday. I hope to hell this works out.


I started my Top 7 blog....I just kept it here, for the time being at least, as I really didn't like the other blog places I found...I will keep searching though. Anyway, please check it out- the username ie JensFaveThings

that's all for now, I have a wedding to plan. ciao!

Today is Luke's Birthday...his 4th. I can't believe he's 4 years old. Feels like only yesterday he was a nervous baby getting used to me. Anyway, he got a nice healthy sized plate of the good tuna, and PetSmart sent him his birthday card, so it was a nice day.

Went and ate dinner at my mom's house and met her new kitten Kirby. She is so hyperactive and into EVERYTHING! I love it.

Anyway, our internet has been acting odd, make that nonexistent, for several days now. I hope things get back to normal, and soon, because the internet is my addiction and I need it!

Anyway, been playing around with ideas for the layout and general color scheme for the new blog. I have checked out blogger.com and wordpress.com, but I feel stifled by the options they have, and unfortunately, I am still to computer stupid to really design one of my own. Still, whether it is here or elsewhere, it should be up and running tomorrow or the next day.

There are several Columbine related books out now, in time for the 10th anniversary, and I am frothing to get my hands on them. I think it may be more cost effective to get a library card, though, as being broke seems to be my modus operandi.

Anyway, hope all is well with everyone.

So, I quit Applebee's. The GM, who I had been fairly warned about, finally got around to having a night where I was his unwitting victim. After berating me and humiliating me several times, I decided that enough was enough. Several of the other servers consoled me, saying things like, "Don't worry sweetie, we all get a turn- it was my night the other night..." and many things similar. I honestly do not know who I am angrier at, the manager, for being an all out prick and a completely unprofessional, pompous asshole, or myself, for not jumping ship sooner and going to one of the other two restaurants that I pretty much have an assured place at. The only reason I held on was because I really liked my coworkers. I mean, I REALLY liked my coworkers. I never got a chance to say good bye to any of them either. From Jamie, my partner in being loud and goofy, to Robin, my girly girl boob buddy.... to that one guy who toward the end, I kinda started to like... I mean, I would totally.../blushes, you know...oh never mind. And no, I am not talking about Tyler, though I will miss him terribly as well. Moss and Michelle are so awesome, and I will miss them too. I love Holly, but I know I am gonna see her wild ass again, prolly sooner rather than later. Newbill, I love that girl. I am really gonna miss goofing off with her. She was such a blast. John Moore....he was a goober, but I love him anyway. In the kitchen, Keni, Kyle, Meka, Sam, Clora, Brian, Robert..hell, all of 'em, I am gonna miss them too. Kyle, even though he is sitting across from me at the coffee shop as I write this, well, I am gonna miss him too.

I know, it sounds more than a little loopy to be so attached to coworkers, but here is the thing: I have been with Josh, my wonderful fiance, for almost four years now. When we first got together, I was into a lot of really bad things, and my life was in a terrible place. After cleaning up, going through rehab, etc etc etc, naturally I lost a lot of "friends" and soon found that my only friends were the people I had met through Josh. Working at Applebee's was the first place I worked where I really began to make some friends of my own in a very long time....and I hate like hell that I had to walk away from the place.....But, if the man in charge feels that demeaning and belittling his employees in front of guests and in front of one another is acceptable business practice, then that is somewhere I just can not allow myself to be. I have worked too hard to better myself over the last few years, and I simply can not let anyone hinder the progress that I am making to become the person I want to be.

At any rate, the search continues for a job that doesn't completely screw me over. Moving on.....


***Oh, on a side note: I think my new blog will be hosted on wordpress.com. This LJ will continue to be my diary of sorts, but I want an actual blog, with a theme...More details soon.

It looks like the list idea has won out, though I may give it a couple more days....just to see if anyone else has thoughts to offer. Also, I think I may actually keep this LJ for personal/everyday stuff...and create a new one for lists.

***another idea someone at work suggested: keep a diary of the events leading up to and involving the planning of mine and Josh's wedding. This would be a great outlet for posting pics of potential dresses, venues, flower arrangements, bridesmaid dresses, and so on. Definitely keeping that in mind as well.

Also, I recently fell in love with blogspot.com, as there are tons and tons of interesting blogs there. As those of you who actually read this journal know, one of my favorite blogs, Fuck You Penguin, is a part of the blogspot family. I may venture over there for what will be my newest net-addiction.

For the time being though, I think I will be doing the lists. I have been pondering names for this blog, and the one that I came up with, unless someone suggests something better, will be:

"these are a few of Jen's favorite things..."

If you can think of something better, let me know...I think I may do a different number as well, just to be a teeny bit different, since Dave Letterman kinda OWNS the Top 10 and top 5's are quite common. Anyway, I was thinking Top 7.Also, here are the lists I have that I will be tackling...suggestions are extremely welcome.

My:
Top 7 Favorite Ice Cream Flavors
Top 7 Pop Songs
Top 7 Cartoons
Top 7 Beers
Top 7 Make Up Brands
Top 7 Sodas
Top 7 Sitcoms
Top 7 Movies
Top 7 Books
Top 7 Fashion Designers
Top 7 Bands


again, feel free to suggest. Thanks for reading!

I have long been trying to think of a theme for this blog...something I could do in every post that would give it some sort of regularity. So, yeah, I have a few ideas, but nothing has really stuck with me.... here are a few that have been bouncing around my head:

1. Top 5 or Top 10 lists of different crap that people could suggest (as in "Hey Jenna, what are your Top 5 favorite beers?) I would post and then we could discuss.

2. Tales from work...as in random crap I encounter as a server at Applebee's....this would possibly really only be entertaining to the other people I work with, only one of whom is a friend on here...

3. Posting random news articles and sparking debate/conversation about it....

Just some ideas...if anyone has any ideas about the direction this blog could take, please let me know.

That's an easy one. Josh.

It rained all night last night, so for the first time in what feels like ages, I slept so well.... my sleep is usually fitful and riddled with bizarro dreams (thank you methadone), but the rain was a tremendous help.

After years of not really connecting with Josh in terms of shared music, I am really starting to find some things that we both can appreciate. I have been way, way, WAY into this Hail Social thing. Absolutely loving it. Everyone should give 'em a listen.

Also, I am sure I posted a link to it in an older post, but everyone should check this blog out:
http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com/

I am off today, and I don't have to be at work tomorrow until 4, so if someone wants to hang out, give me a holla, dawg.

I took a break from here, because I avoid drama at all costs. Then I remembered how much I love this place, and so here I am. This must be resolved, because, quite frankly, I do NOT tolerate threats of any kind, veiled thinly or otherwise. Yes, Alyson Gamble, I am talking to YOU.

I made a fucking joke and you got pissy. Basically, I called you out for posting your entire list of sexual partners on an internet site. You then get butt hurt and claim that it was a "Friends Only" post. However, if this is true, it makes no sense, as you again claim that it was posted because "People were saying that you had slept with people that you hadn't." First of all, welcome to life. People talk. There are people who claim that there are people virgins have slept with, for chrissakes. I would be willing to bet that everyone has had someone lie about their private life behind their back at some point. Deal with it. I do. Next, if it was a "Friends Only" post, why would you need to "clear the air" with them? Aren't they your "friends"? If that is the case, why would they be the ones talking about you? Why are you telling THEM this?? Unless you meant for your "friends" to read it and "clear the air" with those "evil wrongdoers" that were saying such things....which, wait a minute, is exactly what I did. Got it out there for anyone talking about you. Now they know "the truth", right? As though anyone actually CARES?

Now, beyond the already ridiculous shit that I have already called out here, you then send me message after message on here, THREATENING to "air" a secret of mine?? HA! ANYONE who knew me in high school already knows I hooked up with Ryan Givens. It was the talk of the school for a moment that year. We made out once at Sarah Sheffield's house in the fall of 1997. Yeah, TWELVE years ago. But, if you wish to make threats, go right ahead. You then threaten to remove me from your friends list. No worries, sweetness, I did myself the favor and I removed YOU from mine.


And then I see you on St. Patrick's Day at the Music Box, and you want to wave and smile like you weren't harassing me with inane threats on here just days earlier. Ha! When I ignore you, you run crying to Josh with the "Why does Jenna hate me?" bullshit. First of all, don't drag him into this. He couldn't care less about it and certainly doesn't need to be bothered with it. Second, why the fuck do you THINK I ignored you? Once you showed your true colors, I didn't consider you a friend. Why would I?

Anyway, try not to get robbed, murdered or catch AIDS in New Orleans. Take Fantastic Care.

I haven't been posting here as often as I normally do. It isn't for lack of interesting things to write about (interesting to me, perhaps not to all of you, but hey- its LJ), but, well, I don't really know why.

Work is going well, but I have mixed feelings about it. I love the place, my coworkers are all way effin cool...and I get to work as much as I want. Unfortunately, our clientele is some of the most low-rent scum I have ever had the misfortune of interacting with. In three years at Hooters, I had two walk outs. In five weeks at Applebee's, I have had 3 walkouts and one customer who was in a party of twelve who had the largest bill.....he did NOT pay, and refused to. He told me several times "I gave you the money and I told you to keep the change." He then told my manager that he put exact change in the payment book. So which one was it? I think neither. Clearly the asshole was lying. Unfortunately, this is not the first issue I have had or witnessed in this place. I understand fully that there are cheap people and rude people wherever the hell you go, but I am astounded daily at the caliber of person this establishment brings in. I mean, considering that two nights a week we have 39 cent wings, and on Tuesday nights, children eat for 99 cents.....and our billboard campaign simply reads "18 menu items for under $8", I suppose I should not be at all surprised that the utter dregs of society call Applebee's their restaurant of choice. I do have good customers, and I am making pretty damn good money, but it is still very frustrating spending the greater part of my day kissing the ass of people who are sullen and rude, and only ask "Is it free?" or "What comes free with this?" or "A DOLLAR to add a salad? Oh Hell Nall!" and so on and so forth....Having to act like this is a high class eatery when Lakreeeesha and her six kids by six baby daddies is smacking so loudly as she eats and letting her kids run apeshit to the point that the point that the nice couple in dress clothes that ordered the bottle of Merlot for the table and have been joking with me all night that I KNOW will tip huge and be a return customer for me are asking politely if they could just get a couple of to-go boxes....that "It isn't you, Jenna, you are a fantastic server, and we WILL be back, but this is just ridiculous..." UGH. This is every day, folks. Every day.


So, I still have these three huge bags of hideous clothes that are begging for a girls-night dress up and wine extravaganza. I completely misunderstood Sarah about out plans for Friday, and on top of that, completely forgot how to get to her house. So, she has no phone at the moment, and I couldn't remember how to get to her house......and now she probably hates me and thinks I stood her up. This sucks. So, for the record, NO,SARAH, I DID NOT AND WOULD NEVER STAND YOU UP. I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY AND I HOPE YOU STILL LOVE ME. WE MUST HANG OUT SOON. SOOOOOOOON. <3


Ok, finally, the show at Alabama Music Box was severely crucial! Josh and the SECRET cities guys sounded amazing.....a lot of people asked me if I had seen them before, and when I responded that it was their first show, I got more than a few incredulous looks. Josh is an awesome front man- I was floored- even after hearing their music every step of the way. Devin and Steven are extremely talented and Michael Clark, it goes without saying, is an unreal talented drummer. There are no words really to express just how proud of Josh I am.

The other bands the played that night were all pretty kickass themselves. Satan's Youth Ministers were great- I especially enjoyed cupping the balls of their singer as he pranced around in the same lingerie I own. Roy and Benny's band was very excellent as well..... I have never really had occasion to chat with Roy- I always buddy up with Miss Jennah- but he's an impressive performer.

That night was quite possibly the first show I have been to (not including Of Montreal) that I truly enjoyed from start to finish- where I genuinely liked every band that played. Outside of the great music, it was a very positive night. I didn't experience any drama, and as far as I know, the rest of the crew enjoyed a drama-free outing as well. Perhaps we should take note of who all was there, and more important, who all was NOT there, and keep that in mind next time some crazy bitch tries to stir up some crap. Just a thought. Speaking of being drama-free, I finally sat and talked to CLB for the first time in almost two years. There was some very unnecessary drama between us that in the back of my mind I knew we would eventually sit down at talk out, and last night we did, and I am so glad. He's such a great guy, and I have really missed having him around.

One more thing, and I will shut up, I swear- we got copies of Simon's mini-zine that he was handing out last night. I don't know if those are the only ones he's made so far, or if they were the only ones he had on him last night, but they were both awesome. If you don't know what I am talking about, get to him and get yourselves a copy- I definitely want for there to be more of them.


That is all for now. Hope everyone has a great day....and all that other sappy stuff.

I guess its OK for people to talk shit about me, and hell, to my fucking face in a room full of other people. No one needs to stand up for me....its fine, really. Just because I have a fucking opinion that differs from yours on something doesn't make me a hater. I am almost positive it makes me a god damned adult. Hope everyone has a fantastic fucking day.

Dear Josh,

I really don't know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped in the bathtub in your closet and I saw you carve your initials into my salt beef bucket. I'm sure you're man enough to understand that your driving sucks. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your left ear as a memory. You should also know that I always remember the pep talks and I'm off to lead a new life as a lemon.

Go drown yourself,

Jenna


Ok, this is how that happened:

1.
What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're mean
Other -I dislike your eyelashes


2.
Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my ass
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear


3.
Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebabs - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In my pajamas
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - In a clown suit
Hot dog - Under a street light
other- With George Bush and Stephen Harper


4.
What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over


5.
What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – My salt beef bucket
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other - The elephant in the corner


6.
What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs- Man
O.C.- Emotional
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
American Idol -shamed


7.
What mood are you in?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exsist
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumbkid
Other - That your driving sucks


8.
What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montanna underwear


9.
The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbour’s dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cardsYour collection of butterflies


10.
The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Hate your cooking
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z - Will try to forget that you broke my heart


11.
What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
mineral water – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my ass as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
sweet tea – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose


12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself



Now, fill in the blanks:
Dear (friend),

I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4) (5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory.


You should also know that I (10) and (11)

(12),
Your Name

You know, I almost feel guilty for being happy about not doing any Mardi Gras.... I just have zero desire to go hang out with drunk or otherwise completely fucked up people while I am willfully sober- nor do I care to deal with any potential drama that may come my way or the way of anyone whose company i may be in. I think I have figured out the reason behind my recent (well, past 6-8 months of) anti-social behavior:

I have completely outgrown it. Before Josh, I was out seven nights a week, every bartender and DJ in every bar worth partying at and I were on first name basis, if not closer. I knew everybody everywhere. When I worked at Hooters, I was the "party girl"... I have done the balancing 8 boyfriends at once that know nothing of one another and I have done the 72 straight hour parties....I've DONE it. It was a kick ass time, but I am done with it....and I am ready to make more positive memories in my life. When looking back on my "wild child" years, I know I had a great time, but there are no real, memories....just blurry anecdotes that all begin with, "Man, we were fuuuuuuucked up this one night and..." or "This one time, I had done....." But, while I did enjoy that lifestyle for a long time, I was ready for a change, and getting into such a great relationship was exactly the change I so desperately needed. It wasn't as though I changed myself to appease anyone, and it didn't all happen overnight, that's for sure. But I have been doing a lot of growing up over the last three and a half years, and I am closer than I have ever been to genuinely actually liking myself.

Now, none of this is meant to seem in any way condescending to anyone, like I think I am better, or wiser, or more mature, or anything like that.... I certainly don't judge anyone for the choices they make. Everyone is entitled to live their lives how they see fit. It's just that nowadays, I would rather sit at home, in my PJ's, reading, curled up on the couch with Luke than go out somewhere and drink and have the same conversations I have had a million times already. Not to say that every so often, I won't enjoy getting together with folks and getting crazy.....its just that I don't need wild, sleazy, drug and alcohol-fueled madness to numb anything anymore.


Anyway, I love all of you and I hope you will all be safe this Mardi Gras....have a great day!

Stolen from the wonderful people over at Cute Overload. Enjoy!

Spirit Animal? That sounds so new age-ey, doesn't it? Anyway, I think that anyone who knows me knows that in some other life, I was a cat. I dunno if I was a big cat out in the wild, or if I was a spoiled rotten house cat....but either way, if I could choose- yeah - cat, Definitely.

I am off to work in a bit. Just ate some amazing Mexican foods for lunch and I got a serious ass case of the itis. This is the kind of full tummy that begs for a follow up nap. BUT- there is (maybe) money to be made and...as I was typing this last sentence, it dawned on me that tonight is Wing Night. On Mondays and Thursdays, Applebee's does like 30 cent wings. Can anyone take a guess as to what type of customer THAT brings in? Oh well, people can surprise you..... I have heard several folks tell me that they bank on wing nights, so who knows?

This was the most boring LJ entry I have made in a while. Josh got me these really cool edible heart shaped notecards with a marker with edible ink for V- Day....it rocks- but we keep drawing dirty things on them and making the other eat it...he drew a penis on one and yelled, "EAT THAT DICK!!!" I did, so what? I drew a set of boobies on one and wrote "For Josh" on it...Edible heart-shaped note cards!!!!

I also got sweet Happy Bunny valentines for all you dorks for next year. Oh yayah.


Alright, gotta get ready for work- have a super duper day, kiddos! (My boss calls me 'kiddo' all the time, so now its stuck in my brain.)

I made over $100 on Valentine's night. That was cool. I really wanted to join in on the AMB thing but never got a response, so apparently, not only am I too fat to be a stripper, but I am chopped fucking liver to all of you as well. Excellent.

I don't think I have ever had a more eventless V-Day. Even as a single person.

Y A W N


fuck everything.

gonna go snuggle with Luke.

It's been a busy few days. Applebee's is going so well, I can't believe it. People say "Money can't buy happiness", but when money is the only real problem in your life, you'd be amazed how much happiness can come from it. Now that I have a job with real, viable INCOME coupled with as many hours as I wish to work, my whole outlook is different. I am once again feeling confident and happy, knowing that I can pull my weight financially.

As time passes, I am still exploring my options as far as what I really want to do with the rest of my life. I don't want to wait tables forever of course, so I asked about management possibilities and was very happy to hear that it is a definite possibility for me. In as short a period of time as six months, I can put together a resume and begin management training at Applebee's if I would like. I don't like to talk specifics here, but the pay, as well as the bonuses and benefits, would be well worth the headache that inevitably comes with restaurant management.

Something else I have been thinking about for quite some time is going back to school and studying to become an Addiction Recovery Counselor. As all or most of you know, I am in ongoing treatment for my own "chemical dependency issues" and have been told by numerous counselors at the clinic I go to that I would make an excellent counselor. There are several counselors there that are former addicts who have gone on to be successful at helping others break their addictions and I would love to be able to help others in that way. Just something else that's bouncing around in my head.

These past couple of weeks have been rough. I come from a long line of animal lovers and my brother Matt is no different. I adopted a cat for my mother a couple of years ago, who ended up becoming inseparable from him. Bucky was similar to Matt in personality so much that it was uncanny- its as though they were kindred spirits, meant to be in one another's lives. Last week, while lounging on the balcony of Matt's apartment over in Knollwood, Bucky spotted a female kitty and jumped down to pursue her. He had done this once before, but we found him literally one breezeway down, scared to death. This time we weren't so lucky. Matt and I combed every bush, breezeway, and dumpster and looked under every car and in the back of every truck, trying to find the little guy. No luck. So, we made fliers and Matt posted them all over the complex, offering a $100 reward for Bucky's safe return. Tons of calls flooded in, but none of the cats were Bucky. Finally, 3 days ago, an elderly woman called and was sure she had him. Sure enough, there he was, several pounds lighter, and too weak to stand. Matt took him home, thrilled to have the little man safe and sound. Unfortunately, Bucky was acting very strangely, finding odd spots to curl up in and was still too weak to do much of anything. The next night, concerned about how weak he still was, Matt took Bucky to the Rehm Clinic's 24 hour emergency office. By this time, Bucky's breathing was labored and his little ears were growing cold. The doctor said it appeared to be a classic case of poisoning- Bucky had ingested something fatal. My brother begged to do something, ANYTHING to save his buddy, but there was nothing that could be done. Buck was in pain, and dying slowly. So, the decision was made to end his suffering humanely and peacefully. Matt held Bucky in his arms one last time, telling him how much he loved him and that everything would be OK soon. To quote Matt, "She gave him the shot, and I saw his pupils dilate, then close one last time. He took one or two more breaths and like that, it was all over." It would be twenty minutes before Matt could even compose himself enough to leave. We (Me, Matt, and our Mom) all wept uncontrollably for most of the rest of the night.

The thing that gets me is this: the next day, a few different people asked me why my eyes were puffy or if I had been crying, and when I explained why, they didn't seem to understand what the big deal was. A couple of girls at work overheard me telling someone what had happened and they asked, "Oh no! Who died?" And when I explained, they both gave me the "Oh...." reaction, with the "That's it?" tone to it. Animals are family. If you open your home and your life to an animal, how can you not open your heart to him or her as well? I fear my reaction when Luke's time comes, because I know I am going to fall apart. Tracey, my counselor at the clinic, responded with the beyond-insulting, "I mean, its JUST AN ANIMAL..." No, no it isn't. He was Matt's kid, my nephew, my Mom's grand cat- he was a member of our family; never 'just an animal'. This reminds me of the one and only thing that Paris Hilton has ever said that I agree with.

"People who don't love animals are weird to me."

I understand that not all people can have pets- lots of folks are allergic. But if you can see a couple of tiny kittens playing together when they can barely walk or see a puppy or two chasing after a bone or a ball that was thrown for them and not feel that warm fuzzy feeling or at least say "Awww!"....Well, I truly believe you are missing a "sensitivity chip" somewhere in your emotional make up.

Anyway, I am rambling, I know, but it is something that means a lot to me. So thanks for reading....oh, and to everyone: